I feel that "I love you" is one of the scariest thing you could ever say to someone.
You are entrusting your heart to them, hoping and praying your hardest that they will never break it.
Tuesday, September 6, 2016
Sunday, September 4, 2016
It was weird seeing your family again, after almost a year of not seeing them. All kinds of mixed feelings came up, the sense of familiarity, how I thought we were going to be a family somehow becoming acquaintances instead. I have to thank them, for being so welcoming to me. It feels somewhat good, to be able to see them without having you around. And I'm really glad that they still treats me the same as before and trying very to keep me updated on their lives. I guess because of my sudden disappearance from their lives, there wasn't any proper ending. We didn't sort out the things we left at each other's house, and mine were probably already thrown away by you. I just fade out, from their lives like that. No proper goodbye, no proper explanations.
You have changed, and I have came to accept that fact. You are no longer the same person that I once knew or loved. The fact that you have decided on 'staying as friends' was pathetic excuse for you to feel better about yourself. You used to said I was a runner, and how I always chose to run away from our problems. Yet you, of all people, becoming quite a runner yourself. You ended off "Us" by running away, not even having the fucking courage to look me in the eyes and tell me why.
I was grateful that you told me about the passing of your grandfather. I was actually ready to give you the support if you have needed it. Until you decided that I should not come pay my respect at all. I figured that you just didn't have the fucking courage to see me again, because you wouldn't know how to handle the situation of me seeing your family again. And then I realised I don't have to listen to your fucking nonsense anymore, I don't need to be controlled by you. I went when you weren't there. I wouldn't know how to react as well if I have seen you there. I didn't want to be treated like shit by you one final time if you had seen me there.
I'm glad I went despite you opposing to it. At the very least, I got to say a final goodbye to him and at the same time got to see your parents one final time. At least there was a proper goodbye to them, and I'm able to end on good terms with them.
I don't want my relationship with them to be like the one with you. Because you are just a mean person to me and they are not.
You have changed, and I have came to accept that fact. You are no longer the same person that I once knew or loved. The fact that you have decided on 'staying as friends' was pathetic excuse for you to feel better about yourself. You used to said I was a runner, and how I always chose to run away from our problems. Yet you, of all people, becoming quite a runner yourself. You ended off "Us" by running away, not even having the fucking courage to look me in the eyes and tell me why.
I was grateful that you told me about the passing of your grandfather. I was actually ready to give you the support if you have needed it. Until you decided that I should not come pay my respect at all. I figured that you just didn't have the fucking courage to see me again, because you wouldn't know how to handle the situation of me seeing your family again. And then I realised I don't have to listen to your fucking nonsense anymore, I don't need to be controlled by you. I went when you weren't there. I wouldn't know how to react as well if I have seen you there. I didn't want to be treated like shit by you one final time if you had seen me there.
I'm glad I went despite you opposing to it. At the very least, I got to say a final goodbye to him and at the same time got to see your parents one final time. At least there was a proper goodbye to them, and I'm able to end on good terms with them.
I don't want my relationship with them to be like the one with you. Because you are just a mean person to me and they are not.
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