Dear you,

Tonight is one of those nights that I miss you more than I should. It have been slightly more than 2 months that this shit happened and up till now, I have no fucking idea what's wrong with you. 

We used to text every single day. Updating each other on what we are doing, whether we have meals already, what we plan to do next, texting each other good morning and good night. And I miss that, I miss all of that. 4 years of having someone to talk to and rely on. 4 years of having someone to share my problems with. 4 years, is enough for me to be completely dependent on you. And what puzzled me was, how the hell could you just throw all of that away in one night? And then get used to it so fast? 

It's like you have left me behind, like you no longer needed me, when your new life starts. It just felt like all the years being with you means nothing to you. And maybe I was just someone there to fill up the gaps you felt and then conveniently dump aside when you have something better in life. Tell me I'm wrong. Tell me you still love me. 

And maybe because everything happened so abruptly, I have no idea how to handle this. Because all of a sudden, one fateful night you decided to that "you want time alone". All of a sudden, we stop texting all at once, the first time it ever happened throughout the 4 years, no matter how badly we fought. 

You would never know. How badly I cried that fateful night. How I couldn't slept for the weeks to come. How I started having nightmares of you leaving me. All the fears that I felt thinking you didn't want me anymore. All my insecurities that come haunting me. And how I started to doubt you, that maybe you found someone else that's why you become like that. I hated myself. That part of me. The part that couldn't pick herself up and just go. The part that couldn't muster up the courage to ask you "why?". The part that love you so much that I couldn't even hate you, no matter how bad you have hurt me. 

And at the end of the day, all I hope was for you to come back and say you are sorry. I don't even need you to tell me you are sorry, I just want to wake up to a message of yours saying "'morning". And I could just let go of what happened before.

for the tired you.

Hey you,

Thank you for the wonderful staycation. It was great actually, to finally be able to spend the whole of 3 days with you after not being able to do so for such a long time. 

 

Truth to be told, I was angry at you for showing up with a hangover. Yet, knowing that you are so tired from everything you are facing, I could not bring myself to stay angry for long. And I'm glad that I was able to let you lean your tired self on me, sharing maybe a little of your fatigue. 

I hope you have had fun with me for these 3 days!

Thank you for leaning on to me when you were tired. 

Thank you for carrying the 3 liters worth of water back to hotel despite having a hangover. 

Thank you for holding on to me when I was so afraid of the wave pool. 

Thank you for carrying all the floats for the rides. 

Thank you for trying to find macarons for me when I was having a huge craving.

Thank you for holding my hands through all the scary rides. 

Thank you for helping me to get my womanly thing. Hahaha 

And lastly, 

Thank you for carrying my bag for me throughout the whole time because the straps were hurting me. 

Now that we are back to reality once again, I hope I could be there for you when you need it. When you are tired from the all shit you are facing, when you are feeling so low and demoralize, when you feel so unmotivated about life. 

Maybe you think that I may not understand what you are going through, yet I'm willing to listen to you when you are willing to tell. I will listen to whatever you want to say, and whatever complains you have about life. I will let you lean on when you just want to lay down for a while. I will give you a hug when life treats you coldly. I will get you all the comfort food you want to gain the strength you need. 

So stay strong my little soldier, and don't ever lost hope.