Dear you,

Tonight is one of those nights that I miss you more than I should. It have been slightly more than 2 months that this shit happened and up till now, I have no fucking idea what's wrong with you. 

We used to text every single day. Updating each other on what we are doing, whether we have meals already, what we plan to do next, texting each other good morning and good night. And I miss that, I miss all of that. 4 years of having someone to talk to and rely on. 4 years of having someone to share my problems with. 4 years, is enough for me to be completely dependent on you. And what puzzled me was, how the hell could you just throw all of that away in one night? And then get used to it so fast? 

It's like you have left me behind, like you no longer needed me, when your new life starts. It just felt like all the years being with you means nothing to you. And maybe I was just someone there to fill up the gaps you felt and then conveniently dump aside when you have something better in life. Tell me I'm wrong. Tell me you still love me. 

And maybe because everything happened so abruptly, I have no idea how to handle this. Because all of a sudden, one fateful night you decided to that "you want time alone". All of a sudden, we stop texting all at once, the first time it ever happened throughout the 4 years, no matter how badly we fought. 

You would never know. How badly I cried that fateful night. How I couldn't slept for the weeks to come. How I started having nightmares of you leaving me. All the fears that I felt thinking you didn't want me anymore. All my insecurities that come haunting me. And how I started to doubt you, that maybe you found someone else that's why you become like that. I hated myself. That part of me. The part that couldn't pick herself up and just go. The part that couldn't muster up the courage to ask you "why?". The part that love you so much that I couldn't even hate you, no matter how bad you have hurt me. 

And at the end of the day, all I hope was for you to come back and say you are sorry. I don't even need you to tell me you are sorry, I just want to wake up to a message of yours saying "'morning". And I could just let go of what happened before.