me

hi,

I want to write a post about myself, to start my self-discovery or something like that, to understand who I am because I get so ever confused with myself at times. 

I know for one fact is, I'm weird. But aren't we all weird in our own ways? I want to embrace my weirdness, and to unravel even more weirdness about myself. So, this post might just be an ongoing one as I embarked this journey of self-discovery. 

The first thing that came into my mind when I think about myself is that I fart. A LOT. I'm not like most girls who try to control their farts. I'm not like that. Because I fart so much, it makes no sense for me to control it. And I like to think that I have a healthy bowel system. Even now when I'm typing this, I could feel my tummy generating some gas for me to let it all out later. I fart so much that I tend to suffocate myself at times with the scent of it. Isn't farting part of human nature? Which is why i could never understand when people tend to get embarrassed by it (myself included. OOPS). People who cannot take farts should never ever be friends with me. #truth

The next thing is I really love ice lemon tea. Like really. It has become such a big part of my life. It serves as wake me up drink like how coffee do to humans, except I like to believe that I'm not dependent on it. I just simply LOVE it. But I do not love all ice lemon teas, only a few brands are my go-to. The best one are those that are homemade, like real brewed black tea with lemon slices in it. Yum. Yup those. I have criteria for my ice lemon tea, I have standards. 

tbc....

2016

To learn to count my blessings.

2015

You piece of shit.

You are currently the worst year of my life.

This year, I saw my dad admitted to the hospital for the first time. And have the constant worry of him having seizure happening again from then on.

This year I decided to take a break from school and for the most part of it, I was feeling lost and doubting myself so much. The lack of confidence and self-esteem were and maybe still are slowly eating me from the inside. I stop seeing the beauty in myself and for the most part of it, I believe I was just a useless person wasting the earth's resources.

And this just further escalates when the man you thought you were going to spend your whole life with decided to leave you. One week before he said that he loves you and the very next week, he wants to be alone. Because this happens all of a sudden after being together for 4 years and because he makes the decision to leave, you are left feeling broken and constantly blaming yourself for it.

Maybe I just wasn't good enough for him? Didn't we already overcome so much between us that we finally deserve to be happy forever? Maybe he met someone that he feels that is much better suited for him? Maybe I'm just a replacement for him until he found his new self in university? Did I make it so easy for you to leave me? Am I just that easily forgettable?

All these questions will slowly eat you up and make you deem yourself as unworthy.

2015, I cannot wait for you to be over. I'm suffocating.

2016, may I learn to see the rainbow after the thunderstorm.

Do you know how it feel to miss someone every second of every day?

And yet, there's nothing more you can do about it?

A happy Merry Merry Christmas to you! :)

Hey,

Happy Monthsary once again.

ily.

I dreamt of you last night.

You were holding on to my hands, and I, lying on your shoulders.

We were happy.
I was, at the very least.



Until I woke up.